Why The Coronavirus Has Caused Us To Swap ‘FOMO’ For ‘EMOL’
Think back to a time when the world looked very different. A social anxiety known as ‘fear of missing out’ (FOMO) had become acknowledged as a real thing. FOMO sufferers felt a need to continuously stay connected to what other people were doing. As a result, real-life families, friends and couples were becoming distanced from each other. It was what ‘other people’ were doing that held real interest. This was a time when social media, and not the coronavirus, held all the power. This was the mental and emotional distancing of ourselves from those close to us.
Fast forward to now and the truth is, ‘other people’ really aren’t doing very much at all. The celebrities we once watched travelling the world are now reduced to trying to make their back gardens look enviable. Most of us are realising that, actually, we’re much happier focusing on our own lives and our own loved ones. Any-one with any sense is replacing FOMO for EMOL (Enjoying My Own Life).
“The Thrills and Spills Have Gone”
Genuine closeness and understanding from the ‘real people’ in our lives now means everything. When Amanda Holden uploaded a picture of herself mowing the lawn in her wedding dress, as an attempt to gain attention from her ‘followers’, many of us felt nothing but pity. It’s hard to pretend we’re anything that we’re not when on 24 hour lock-down with our loved ones. The thrills and spills have gone. Relationships are about patience, kindness and a willingness to be someone else’s safe place. We’re grateful for the new routines and rituals our loved ones have helped us to form. We’re grateful that someone still finds us endearing, even when they can’t escape us.
The only contact we have with strangers are meetings of empathetic eyes above a face-mask in a supermarket queue. Silently, afraid to breathe the same air, we reassure others that ‘We’re in this together’. And then, dart away as quickly as possible. However, the joy these simple smiles bring, from people we’d never have looked up from our phones for before, reminds us that whatever restrictions the coronavirus crisis imposes upon us, we share the same hopes. We all want everyone to be okay. And, we want to come out of this treasuring the one irreplaceable thing we were on the verge of losing: the joy of being human. This is not a time to watch other people live their lives. It’s about working out how to let authentic love, in all its forms, into our own lives.
Our experienced and friendly membership advisers are available to share an informal chat about how finding love during this time of uncertainty is still possible.
Why We Need Healthy Relationships During Lock-down
Adjusting to a new way of living is challenging. We are at our most vulnerable when much that has previously sustained us is put on hold. In this article, we examine the strong psychological need for healthy relationships.
We tend to go through a number of different stages during times of emotional trauma. It’s essential that we share healthy relationships with people who we can work these through with.
Disbelief: It’s hard to accept the sudden loss of freedoms; social groups; jobs. At first, many of us were in denial about the extent to which this crisis would effect us personally. Just weeks ago, the way we are now living seemed impossible to imagine.
Anger: How can this be happening to my business? Why can’t I see my family? Why are people panic-buying? Many of us experienced feelings of anger as our new reality set in. We searched for people to blame. Our tolerance levels were low and our mood edgy.
Sadness: Sadness often follows shocking changes. Realising we can’t fix things right now can make us tearful, just as seeing the country coming together to celebrate our key-workers can make us highly emotional, a mix of helplessness, gratitude and pain.
Acceptance: To survive, we have to reach a level of acceptance. At this point we are able to create new routines and coping mechanisms. We adjust to our new reality as the anger fades.
Hope: This is the strongest stage of our evolving feelings. We realise we are surviving which, most importantly, leads to creative thinking. We find hopeful and optimistic ways of seeing the future. Yes, our circumstances have changed, but happiness feels real and possible again.
How We Can Help
At Searchmate, we have responded quickly to our changing circumstances and have created virtual ways of connecting our members, ensuring their search for love is not put on hold. Our friendly and experienced membership advisers are able to talk you through ways in which we can help you to connect with genuinely single men and women looking for rewarding, long-term relationships.
Looking for love in 2018? Find out why dating is about to get real…
It’s Over For Game-Players
2017 was a year of secrets revealed and slipping masks. Most notably, world leaders and political systems were exposed as never before. Furthermore, the entertainment industry – a place where the truth had been hushed up for years – held its hands up to gross misuses of power. Communities were forced to confront their harshest truths. Subsequently, our own personal relationships fell under the microscope. Only the strongest survived.
What Will Single People Be Looking For in 2018?
Authenticity will be key in 2018. As a result, dating apps and online agencies without ID checks will become less appealing. Single men and women no longer want to brush off awkward and potentially dangerous situations. Dating will be about accepting your true self. Consequently, you’ll be looking for honesty in a partner.
Is the Dating Industry Ready For Change?
Change is exactly what the Dating Agency Association and its members have been pushing for. As a result, Searchmate is thrilled to be able to offer the largest client list of ID checked single men and women in the UK. We know that authenticity is key. Our clients recoil at the thought of putting themselves at risk. Therefore, we help them to build relationships based on trust from the get-go.
Contact our experienced and friendly membership advisers on 0800 644 4160 for an informal chat about how we can help you to find authentic love, 9am – 9pm, every day.
No Valentine’s Card This Year?
No Valentine’s card this year? It certainly is disappointing if that hoped for card or gift didn’t materialise, especially if you started the year so positively believing that 2017 was going to be THE year for you in terms of love and meeting that special person. St Valentine’s Day is very much a barometer, 6 weeks into the new year, when you can check out those aspirations you have for love and romance coming into your life and assess how you are doing so far.
If you aren’t happy with the progress you are making to date, then perhaps you will feel it is the right time to become more proactive. Most of the 16 million singles in the UK are now quite comfortable about using a professional, third party company to find love and Searchmate is one of the most popular.
We have been around since 1998 and are one of the established Personal Matchmaking services in the country, we also truly cover the country, which is unusual in Personal Matchmaking. Searchmate caters for attractive, professional people from all walks of life, so a Personal Introductions or Dating Agency for nice people from the right sort of background, in other words one of the best and most successful dating brands in the UK.
We have one of the largest data bases in the country, almost all of whom are professionals or aspiring professionals, who have been personally interviewed, ID checked and vetted – to absolutely ensure that they are who they say they are. We also support the dating safety guidelines advocated by the Dating Agency Association.
Is that for you? Well we’d love to put you in an informed position so that you could decide yourself. If you’d like to know about Searchmate and how we work, then why not call Julie, our Senior Membership Adviser/Dating Expert, at our expense on 0800 644 4160 or complete out contact form by clicking here and we’ll call you back, usually within 24 working hours.
We hope to hear from you soon.
Our Dating Safety Campaign Launch
Searchmate Ltd is delighted to support the Dating Agency Association’s Dating Safely Campaign launch, it is especially appropriate with today being St Valentine’s Day, which has been associated with love and romance now for many centuries. Finding new partners should be fun and part of an exciting journey that you take within your life, it is however important to take steps to ensure you stay safe, both your personal safety but also safety from scammers and online dating fraudsters. Searchmate announces our Dating Safely Campaign launch and fully supports the efforts that the Dating Agency Association have taken to highlight safer dating. Here is their press release:
Industry Body for UK Dating Agencies Announces Launch of National Dating Safely Campaign
Campaign Set to Save Lives Will ‘Go Live’ on 13th February 2017.
13th February 2017 – The industry body for UK dating agencies, The Dating Agency Association, has announced that its national Dating Safely Campaign will go live on February 13th, 2017, providing free information to single people, and clear professional guidelines to dating agencies, in order to promote a cultural shift in the way we think about personal safety.
On the 15th January 2017, eighteen year old, Leonne Weeks – ‘a quiet girl, who wouldn’t hurt anybody’ – was found dead in an isolated pathway in Rotherham, South Yorks. Police are scouring social media for clues after friends said that Leanne had gone to meet a man from a dating site. A teenage boy has been charged with her murder.
While Leonne’s devastated family await answers, this young woman’s death is a stark reminder of how meeting strangers online has become commonplace within our society. Men and women of all ages are putting themselves at risk every day across the UK as a result of new and dangerous attitudes to dating.
In the tragic case of Usha Patel – a forty-four year old mother who was brutally murdered by a man she invited to her home – having connected via an online dating agency – Judge Rebecca Poulet QC said: “In my assessment, this case is a stark warning to anyone who plans to meet someone following limited internet contact. That meeting must take place in a public place until one person feels they know something of the other.”
Usha Patel’s five-year-old son discovered his mother’s body the morning after the vicious and bloody attack, having been left alone with her overnight. Judge Rebecca Poulet concluded – “She (Patel) was clearly anxious to meet a new partner, but she paid for this invitation with her life.”
The Dating Agency Association has set out clear guidelines for both single people, and dating agencies across the country, to ensure that the very human desire to find love no longer leaves single people vulnerable to exploitation and violence.
Dating Expert and Self-Help author, Trelawney Kerrigan, has worked closely with The Dating Agency Association, safety professionals, UK charities, and a diverse group of single people, to devise a set of simple guidelines aimed at saving lives. The Dating Safely Guidelines handbook can be downloaded free of charge via the Dating Agency Association website www.datingagencyassociation.org.uk
A hard copy of the handbook can also be requested via the website.
Trelawney Kerrigan said: “The frightening conclusion to my research is that the anonymity of dating apps and online sites has bought with it increasingly dangerous attitudes towards meeting complete strangers in isolated settings – blinded by the instant intimacy of online communication. Importantly this is not a behaviour limited to young people: men and women of all ages are trading the basic safeguarding of their lives for instant gratification.”
Tina Wallace, the Chief Executive of the Dating Agency Association, is thrilled that all Dating Agency Association member agencies must now commit to implementing clear policies and procedures that promote a safe and transparent environment on behalf of their clients. Tina Wallace said: “Our Dating Safely Guidelines handbook provides simple common sense advice to single people, ensuring that they consider their own well being and put personal safety first when seeking a relationship.
Surviving Christmas as a Singleton
We have all seen Bridget Jones dreading the Christmas Party, faced with a room full of apparently happily married couples and the nosy relatives and family friends with their not at all subtle enquiries of, “Got a new man yet? You must be over old so and so by now!” Despite such gatherings giving us the impression that the whole world apart from ourselves is neatly paired off, bear in mind that official figures show that around 1/3rd of the UK population is currently single – that may be a minority but it is still an awful lot of people, in fact that’s over 20 million of us. So take heart, you are certainly not alone!
So how do you go about surviving Christmas as a Singleton? Firstly, look at all the positives. There is not the duty visit with in-laws to endure and you can relish pleasing yourself with how to best use your time. You can enjoy taking time to relax over the festive session and you can plan ahead to do activities that you know you will enjoy, without the necessity of having to fit around someone else’s priorities or schedule.
As regards surviving those parties that seem full of couples, remember that they did invite you so they do want you there, whether alone or not, you are very welcome. Keep that in mind and stand tall, dress your best and go in with confidence. Usually there is the option to take a friend along if that might help you feel more comfortable, if but so, ensure that it is someone who won’t take up all your time making sure that they are OK, after all, you need to enjoy the party too! If you think you might be asked awkward and personal questions about your love life, it may be useful to have an answer ready prepared and a plan as to how to move the conversation onto a topic you would prefer. You are entitled to your privacy and even very well meaning friends need to understand that.
You might want to be proactive and invite some friends round. Include some singles but don’t forget its fine to mix singles with couples, so invite who you enjoy the company of, rather than selecting people based on their relationship status. Make an effort to entertain and you will enjoy the occasion.
Another option is to consider offering some of your time to a charity over Christmas. There are many options for this which a surf of the net will reveal and giving of your time can be a great way of meeting new people whilst lifting your spirits and those you help in the process.
One more suggestion to surviving Christmas as a singleton is to look at taking a trip away, either in this country or to discover somewhere new overseas. There are singles breaks with activities through which you can make new friends and many of these are by no means all about dating. They can be really fun ways to enjoy social time with other like-minded single travellers.
If your thoughts are turning to being one of a couple rather than staying single and not having to go through the horrors of surviving Christmas as a singleton, you are very welcome to speak to a Membership Adviser at Searchmate, a leading professional Dating Agency offering a successful, personal and secure matchmaking service. Joining Searchmate’s membership could well see your options expanding in whole new and exciting directions, with the festive session in mind!
Want to know more? Our team of Membership Adviser’s are always happy to speak to you about joining Searchmate and to talk you through our membership options. Ring us from 9am until 9pm everyday apart from Christmas Day, Boxing Day and New Years Day on 0800 644 4160 or click here to complete our contact form.
