Why The Coronavirus Has Caused Us To Swap ‘FOMO’ For ‘EMOL’
Think back to a time when the world looked very different. A social anxiety known as ‘fear of missing out’ (FOMO) had become acknowledged as a real thing. FOMO sufferers felt a need to continuously stay connected to what other people were doing. As a result, real-life families, friends and couples were becoming distanced from each other. It was what ‘other people’ were doing that held real interest. This was a time when social media, and not the coronavirus, held all the power. This was the mental and emotional distancing of ourselves from those close to us.
Fast forward to now and the truth is, ‘other people’ really aren’t doing very much at all. The celebrities we once watched travelling the world are now reduced to trying to make their back gardens look enviable. Most of us are realising that, actually, we’re much happier focusing on our own lives and our own loved ones. Any-one with any sense is replacing FOMO for EMOL (Enjoying My Own Life).
“The Thrills and Spills Have Gone”
Genuine closeness and understanding from the ‘real people’ in our lives now means everything. When Amanda Holden uploaded a picture of herself mowing the lawn in her wedding dress, as an attempt to gain attention from her ‘followers’, many of us felt nothing but pity. It’s hard to pretend we’re anything that we’re not when on 24 hour lock-down with our loved ones. The thrills and spills have gone. Relationships are about patience, kindness and a willingness to be someone else’s safe place. We’re grateful for the new routines and rituals our loved ones have helped us to form. We’re grateful that someone still finds us endearing, even when they can’t escape us.
The only contact we have with strangers are meetings of empathetic eyes above a face-mask in a supermarket queue. Silently, afraid to breathe the same air, we reassure others that ‘We’re in this together’. And then, dart away as quickly as possible. However, the joy these simple smiles bring, from people we’d never have looked up from our phones for before, reminds us that whatever restrictions the coronavirus crisis imposes upon us, we share the same hopes. We all want everyone to be okay. And, we want to come out of this treasuring the one irreplaceable thing we were on the verge of losing: the joy of being human. This is not a time to watch other people live their lives. It’s about working out how to let authentic love, in all its forms, into our own lives.
Our experienced and friendly membership advisers are available to share an informal chat about how finding love during this time of uncertainty is still possible.
No Valentine’s Card This Year?
No Valentine’s card this year? It certainly is disappointing if that hoped for card or gift didn’t materialise, especially if you started the year so positively believing that 2017 was going to be THE year for you in terms of love and meeting that special person. St Valentine’s Day is very much a barometer, 6 weeks into the new year, when you can check out those aspirations you have for love and romance coming into your life and assess how you are doing so far.
If you aren’t happy with the progress you are making to date, then perhaps you will feel it is the right time to become more proactive. Most of the 16 million singles in the UK are now quite comfortable about using a professional, third party company to find love and Searchmate is one of the most popular.
We have been around since 1998 and are one of the established Personal Matchmaking services in the country, we also truly cover the country, which is unusual in Personal Matchmaking. Searchmate caters for attractive, professional people from all walks of life, so a Personal Introductions or Dating Agency for nice people from the right sort of background, in other words one of the best and most successful dating brands in the UK.
We have one of the largest data bases in the country, almost all of whom are professionals or aspiring professionals, who have been personally interviewed, ID checked and vetted – to absolutely ensure that they are who they say they are. We also support the dating safety guidelines advocated by the Dating Agency Association.
Is that for you? Well we’d love to put you in an informed position so that you could decide yourself. If you’d like to know about Searchmate and how we work, then why not call Julie, our Senior Membership Adviser/Dating Expert, at our expense on 0800 644 4160 or complete out contact form by clicking here and we’ll call you back, usually within 24 working hours.
We hope to hear from you soon.
Our Dating Safety Campaign Launch
Searchmate Ltd is delighted to support the Dating Agency Association’s Dating Safely Campaign launch, it is especially appropriate with today being St Valentine’s Day, which has been associated with love and romance now for many centuries. Finding new partners should be fun and part of an exciting journey that you take within your life, it is however important to take steps to ensure you stay safe, both your personal safety but also safety from scammers and online dating fraudsters. Searchmate announces our Dating Safely Campaign launch and fully supports the efforts that the Dating Agency Association have taken to highlight safer dating. Here is their press release:
Industry Body for UK Dating Agencies Announces Launch of National Dating Safely Campaign
Campaign Set to Save Lives Will ‘Go Live’ on 13th February 2017.
13th February 2017 – The industry body for UK dating agencies, The Dating Agency Association, has announced that its national Dating Safely Campaign will go live on February 13th, 2017, providing free information to single people, and clear professional guidelines to dating agencies, in order to promote a cultural shift in the way we think about personal safety.
On the 15th January 2017, eighteen year old, Leonne Weeks – ‘a quiet girl, who wouldn’t hurt anybody’ – was found dead in an isolated pathway in Rotherham, South Yorks. Police are scouring social media for clues after friends said that Leanne had gone to meet a man from a dating site. A teenage boy has been charged with her murder.
While Leonne’s devastated family await answers, this young woman’s death is a stark reminder of how meeting strangers online has become commonplace within our society. Men and women of all ages are putting themselves at risk every day across the UK as a result of new and dangerous attitudes to dating.
In the tragic case of Usha Patel – a forty-four year old mother who was brutally murdered by a man she invited to her home – having connected via an online dating agency – Judge Rebecca Poulet QC said: “In my assessment, this case is a stark warning to anyone who plans to meet someone following limited internet contact. That meeting must take place in a public place until one person feels they know something of the other.”
Usha Patel’s five-year-old son discovered his mother’s body the morning after the vicious and bloody attack, having been left alone with her overnight. Judge Rebecca Poulet concluded – “She (Patel) was clearly anxious to meet a new partner, but she paid for this invitation with her life.”
The Dating Agency Association has set out clear guidelines for both single people, and dating agencies across the country, to ensure that the very human desire to find love no longer leaves single people vulnerable to exploitation and violence.
Dating Expert and Self-Help author, Trelawney Kerrigan, has worked closely with The Dating Agency Association, safety professionals, UK charities, and a diverse group of single people, to devise a set of simple guidelines aimed at saving lives. The Dating Safely Guidelines handbook can be downloaded free of charge via the Dating Agency Association website www.datingagencyassociation.org.uk
A hard copy of the handbook can also be requested via the website.
Trelawney Kerrigan said: “The frightening conclusion to my research is that the anonymity of dating apps and online sites has bought with it increasingly dangerous attitudes towards meeting complete strangers in isolated settings – blinded by the instant intimacy of online communication. Importantly this is not a behaviour limited to young people: men and women of all ages are trading the basic safeguarding of their lives for instant gratification.”
Tina Wallace, the Chief Executive of the Dating Agency Association, is thrilled that all Dating Agency Association member agencies must now commit to implementing clear policies and procedures that promote a safe and transparent environment on behalf of their clients. Tina Wallace said: “Our Dating Safely Guidelines handbook provides simple common sense advice to single people, ensuring that they consider their own well being and put personal safety first when seeking a relationship.
Surviving Christmas as a Singleton
We have all seen Bridget Jones dreading the Christmas Party, faced with a room full of apparently happily married couples and the nosy relatives and family friends with their not at all subtle enquiries of, “Got a new man yet? You must be over old so and so by now!” Despite such gatherings giving us the impression that the whole world apart from ourselves is neatly paired off, bear in mind that official figures show that around 1/3rd of the UK population is currently single – that may be a minority but it is still an awful lot of people, in fact that’s over 20 million of us. So take heart, you are certainly not alone!
So how do you go about surviving Christmas as a Singleton? Firstly, look at all the positives. There is not the duty visit with in-laws to endure and you can relish pleasing yourself with how to best use your time. You can enjoy taking time to relax over the festive session and you can plan ahead to do activities that you know you will enjoy, without the necessity of having to fit around someone else’s priorities or schedule.
As regards surviving those parties that seem full of couples, remember that they did invite you so they do want you there, whether alone or not, you are very welcome. Keep that in mind and stand tall, dress your best and go in with confidence. Usually there is the option to take a friend along if that might help you feel more comfortable, if but so, ensure that it is someone who won’t take up all your time making sure that they are OK, after all, you need to enjoy the party too! If you think you might be asked awkward and personal questions about your love life, it may be useful to have an answer ready prepared and a plan as to how to move the conversation onto a topic you would prefer. You are entitled to your privacy and even very well meaning friends need to understand that.
You might want to be proactive and invite some friends round. Include some singles but don’t forget its fine to mix singles with couples, so invite who you enjoy the company of, rather than selecting people based on their relationship status. Make an effort to entertain and you will enjoy the occasion.
Another option is to consider offering some of your time to a charity over Christmas. There are many options for this which a surf of the net will reveal and giving of your time can be a great way of meeting new people whilst lifting your spirits and those you help in the process.
One more suggestion to surviving Christmas as a singleton is to look at taking a trip away, either in this country or to discover somewhere new overseas. There are singles breaks with activities through which you can make new friends and many of these are by no means all about dating. They can be really fun ways to enjoy social time with other like-minded single travellers.
If your thoughts are turning to being one of a couple rather than staying single and not having to go through the horrors of surviving Christmas as a singleton, you are very welcome to speak to a Membership Adviser at Searchmate, a leading professional Dating Agency offering a successful, personal and secure matchmaking service. Joining Searchmate’s membership could well see your options expanding in whole new and exciting directions, with the festive session in mind!
Want to know more? Our team of Membership Adviser’s are always happy to speak to you about joining Searchmate and to talk you through our membership options. Ring us from 9am until 9pm everyday apart from Christmas Day, Boxing Day and New Years Day on 0800 644 4160 or click here to complete our contact form.
Dating Safely With Searchmate
In an age where more and more people are dating and looking for partners. In a market place that has expanded exponentially since the launch of Match.Com. in the UK in 1998, it is very easy to get carried away and bitten by the dating bug. But please do it very carefully. Our new guide Dating Safely with Searchmate is a mine of information on how to best keep yourself safe when seeking new partners. Please see how you can obtain your own free advance copy later on in this article.
There are more than 1400 dating sites and dating agencies in the UK alone in a market that is approaching £1 billion per annum in revenue, but not everything in the garden is perfect with dating related crimes and dating fraud soaring too. Recently more than 54% of online daters felt they had been contacted by someone who had seriously misrepresented themselves online. In terms of the truthfulness of their profile, the age of their photos, their height and/or weight, their occupation or their marital/relationship status. As well as that 28% felt that they had been approached by someone who made them feel uncomfortable or had harassed them.
2016 will it be remembered for the wrong reasons?
For more and more people keeping safe in the search for new partners is becoming a really serious consideration. In 2016 alone we have seen a further murder involving people who met on Plenty of Fish and another involving Oasis, we have also witnessed the very high profile Match.Com rape trial. This was where their client Jason Lawrence was jailed for life at Derby Crown Court, for 6 rapes and an attempted rape.
With the trial of Stefano Brizzi. Who is alleged to have murdered and dismembered the body of a serving Police Officer Gordon Semple. Who he had met on a Dating App, due to start at the Old Bailey in London later this month. 2016 has been notable for many of the wrong reasons in the dating world and at Searchmate we are extremely keen to offer a safer, more confidential alternative to high profile online sites. Ensuring our members are dating safely and with confidence. With many online sites the client’s personal details and photographs are very high profile and extremely easily accessed by anyone who wishes, often non-members too. They can also often be easily found on Google and other search engines.
The launch of our own Dating Safely Campaign
Shortly in conjunction with our Regulator the Dating Agency Association, we are planning to launch our own Dating Safely Campaign. This is to help raise awareness of the dangers that are associated with online dating and promoting the safe, confidential and more professional alternative that joining Searchmate provides.
We will be providing a comprehensive guide to keeping safe whilst seeking new partners. This will be free to all that request it. For an advance copy please complete our Contact Form. And request one to be posted to you as soon as they have been published. Or telephone us for free on 0800 644 4160. and once again we will mail this to you as soon as it has been published. Let’s be careful out there and date safely.
Is online dating killing long term romance?
Online dating has been a tremendous success in terms of the number of people who have tried it. Since the start of the new millennium, and we have seen a transformation in the way men and women now seek to meet potential partners. But the question has to be asked is online dating killing long term romance as more and more people struggle to find commitment online and men prepared to put their all into an exclusive, committed relationship?
Match.com, one of the first online sites Was launched in the USA in 1995 and in the UK in 1998. And has been a trail blazing pioneer in terms of online dating. Nine million Britons are still on the various dating sites and apps. Although in real terms we have seen a dramatic downturn in numbers in recent years. Largely due to the bad publicity that online dating has received and a spate of high profile cases in the courts that have made many people much more alert to the dangers they may be placing themselves in.
Major Cultural Changes
There is little doubt that we have witnessed a major cultural change since the start of the new millennium and that the vast numbers of people who have tried online dating have experienced a way of life they perhaps didn’t expect or think possible previously. Traditionally women may well have had two or three boyfriends and have then settled into marriage and raised a family. Now with the numbers involved it is so easy to get into a culture of seeking perfection in that search for ‘the one’ but will they ever truly get there?
Research in the Daily Mail revealed that the imbalance between women and men on some online sites can be as much as 6:1. So the question has to be asked ‘How many men are going to want to settle down in such circumstances?’
Traditional Personal Matchmaking
Happily there is an alternative in terms of traditional personal matchmaking. And the team here at Searchmate would gladly talk you through our more personal service. And how working with a Personal Matchmaker. On a one on one basis could be the perfect solution to the ‘commitment phobia’ we have described. Ring us on 0800 644 4160. Contact us via our live chat or complete our contact form. And we will get back to you within 24 working hours. It could make such a difference to you life.