Hospital Doctor in Online Dating Fraud
I was so sad to read about Liz Todd, the talented and hard working hospital Doctor duped out of £168,000 this week by the heartless conman and fraudster Christopher Heayns. Through what is fast becoming notorious for this type of case – the online dating site Plenty of Fish. When I saw yet again the headline in the press ‘Hospital Doctor in Online Dating Fraud’ my heart sank.
Why does it happen when there are viable and credible alternatives such as our very own Searchmate site? Where we invest thousands of pounds annually in promoting ourselves as an alternative and add to our costs by deploying a team of interviewers around the country to visit people in their own homes to check potential members out and utilise an expensive authentication and verification system to completely vet and check out each and every joiner.
Well I will tell you why it continues to happen. Because fraudsters like Christopher Heayns are so incredibly detailed in what they do and are extremely plausible. With Liz the lady in question this time. Gifting him £168,000 to invest ‘in their future together’ and unbeknown to her.Her mother Hilary (another highly intelligent lady working as a Biochemist) also being relieved of £125,000.
To illustrate the tragedy of this case and the cost of their involvement with Heayns, Liz has been left penniless by her actions, she has been forced to sell her home to pay off debts and has had to declare herself as insolvent whilst she battles against a tidal wave of creditors and her mother has had to return to work in retirement in an attempt to keep herself afloat.
Professional Personal Matchmakers
But the saddest question has to be why? Searchmate has been around since 1998 and has in the past helped many thousands of people through their personal matchmaking expertise. Employing one of the largest teams of professional Personal Matchmakers in the UK.
You too can benefit from Searchmate’s highly professional approach to dating. And the fact that all of our members are thoroughly vetted and checked before they are allowed to join. Ring us on 0800 644 4160. Initiate a live chat. Or complete our contact form. We will then call you at our expense.
Are you currently in a relationship for the right reasons or the wrong ones? When a relationship is new we are often prone to overlooking issues and the other persons faults in the hope that over time things will improve and become more acceptable. Obviously that rarely happens. Here we look at 5 reasons why you might be in the wrong relationship and why staying with the wrong person is not going to bring you the long term happiness that we all deserve and can attain.
It’s easier to ignore your feelings and doubts
Moving on from a relationship can be a tough thing to do and sometimes it is easier to ignore your feelings and desires to move on and to continue to maintain the equilibrium. But can you do that for the long term or are those doubts and dissatisfaction’s just going to overwhelm you eventually. We feel so – eventually your doubts are going to become so great that you simply cannot live with them any longer. But why waste years in coming to that conclusion?
You don’t feel you will find anyone better
This is one of the most common reasons of all for staying with someone you don’t love and is often caused by a lack of confidence or belief that you can find love again. We are all getting older and worry that it may be difficult to find someone new but that should not be a valid reason for staying in a relationship that is not right for you. At Searchmate we are dealing with all age groups and with people right up to retirement and into retirement.
You feel frightened of being alone
Some of us are able to value our independence and function as individuals, others find that more difficult and stay in a relationship because of inertia and fear of the unknown. But if you’re truly not happy then doing something about it should be a primary consideration. We only pass this way once and getting the maximum from this one life opportunity can be a powerful motivation for many. So why not find the courage and make the change?
You are afraid of hurting your existing partner
This is another of the biggest reasons that people stay in an unhappy relationship, the fear of hurting their current partner. But once again it is not a valid reason if you are unhappy and have fallen out of love with that person. Longer term it is far kinder to both of you to end the unhappiness and move on to experience real love and a fulfilling relationship once again.
You are afraid of your partner moving on
This is a reason that is often not talked about very much, but is about those pangs of jealousy you would feel if your current partner moves on and finds a new love. However is that truly relevant if you have feelings of unhappiness within your current relationship and have fallen out of love? If you were friends before you began your relationship you can be friends again in the future and would want to see them happy too. So although overcoming these feelings of jealousy can be a hurdle to climb – you can do it and go on to find a wonderful new love for yourself too.
Could we help at all? At Searchmate we have experienced many thousands of relationship issues since we first opened our doors in the 1990’s. Julie Lazarus, our Senior Membership Adviser, is always available to talk through issues with you or why not seek the guidance of our Resident Relationship Expert – Dating Coach Ivana Franekova. Both can be available to chat from 9am until 9pm most days on 0800 644 4160. We’d love to hear from you if you think you’d like to talk things through.
Is it safe to date online?
Is it safe to date online? If I had £1 for every time I have been asked this question I would be extremely wealthy.
In the week where yet again a man in the UK has been jailed for life for a crime relating to online dating. This time the murder of an innocent lady on the website Plenty of Fish, then we asked Julie Lazarus, Senior Membership Adviser at Searchmate for her views. Says Julie “I have to say unequivocally that – no it’s not safe and you must do so at your own peril.”
This time it was a sick and savage fantasist Carl Langdell, who had previously told his Psychiatric Nurse that he wanted to slash a ladies throat and that he was a monster, was jailed for life for the murder of the young teacher Katie Locke, in the grounds of the 4 Star, Theobalds Park Hotel, in Hertfordshire.
Julie continues “I am going to stop dressing this up and come right out and recommend that NO it is no longer safe to date online. The service that we offer at Searchmate is much safer for the following reasons”:
A Much Safer Option
- All of our members are personally interviewed and vetted using one of the most comprehensive questionnaires in the UK
- We have one of the most sophisticated authentication and verification systems in the dating industry
- We attract people genuinely looking for a long term ongoing monogamous relationship
- Our clients are usually from a professional, executive or business background
- There is no online profile or photograph, your data is completely secure
- You work one on one with a Personal Matchmaker. That we allocate to you on joining – someone with a thorough knowledge of our database.
- We have our own leading edge matchmaking technology, designed specifically to be used by a Personal Matchmaker
- We are a well established, professional company. With the largest team of Personal Matchmakers in the UK – come to our office and meet us if you wish.
Chat with Julie Today!
Julie continues further; “So please don’t take risks putting your life on the line by meeting people from the internet. Ring me today for a no obligation chat on our service and how it works on 0800 644 4160. Or chat to me through our chat technology on our homepage. There is no cost whatsoever for our advice or help initially. And our joining fees are amongst the most competitive in the industry. Or click here to leave your details and we’ll get back to you.”
Dating in the spring
At last April has arrived and with it thoughts of dating in the spring! With the clocks going forward and the lighter evenings arriving we are all feeling a little more optimistic. If you are single you may find your thoughts turning to the possibility of finding a soul mate but how do you go about this? Some people may decide to join an online dating site, but this way does not suit everyone. Others may decide that they prefer the approach of a professional dating agency. At we are committed to meeting and getting to know each of our clients personally so that we can significantly increase the chance of you finding that special someone.
Once you have selected the dating agency that you feel most comfortable with and begun the process of finding your soul mate you need to think about how to make a good impression on your first date.
Making a good impression
First of all, it is important that when you arrange a date you arrive on time. Make sure you have each other’s mobile number so that if you are delayed for any reason you can let the other person know what’s happening. Treat others as you would like to be treated yourself. Secondly, do make an effort with your presentation and make sure you are well groomed and smartly dressed. You don’t have to be in your best suit or smartest dress but you do need to be clean and tidy; remember this is your chance to make a good first impression. It will make your date feel pleased that you have made an effort for them.
Things to bear in mind
Do not spend the whole date talking about your ex there really is nothing more off-putting. Be interested in your date, their lives and their job. Ask questions and listen to their replies. However, don’t monopolise the conversation leave them time to ask you questions. Be positive about yourself. In this way you are more likely to come across as a happy, confident individual and therefore more likely to appeal to your date.
What about a venue?
Finally, clients frequently ask where they should go on their first date. There is no right or wrong answer. You and your date should agree somewhere you feel comfortable and relaxed. It doesn’t always have to be a meal at a fancy restaurant which some people may find intimidating. Consider a cup of coffee, a trip to the cinema which will give you a shared experience and something to talk about on your next date or a lovely walk in the countryside (even better if one of you has a dog). And finally at the end of the date do say if you have enjoyed yourself. Don’t keep your date guessing. Make it clear that you had a good time and that you would be happy to see them again.
Ten things men do on a date that women hate
They say that men are from Mars and women are from Venus and that is never more apparent than when planning a first date. Most experts would agree that planning how the date is going to be spent and largely sticking to that, is a more sure fire way to achieve a successful outcome than just being spontaneous and trusting to luck. Women in particular prefer to have a plan, but without prompting men may just prefer to ‘go with the flow’. Here we look at ten things that men do on a date that women hate:
1) He refuses to decide or pick anything
This is one of the first mistakes that men make – they don’t take the lead and suggest what that loose plan should be. They won’t suggest a film if going to the cinema, or a restaurant if going out for a meal. And if they have been steered in the right direction and you have sat down to eat, they are usually unsure about giving a lead and deciding if you’re going to go for 0ne, two or three courses.
2) He turns up late
Agreed no one likes to be first, but turning up late is NOT fashionable, it’s casual and unacceptable. It also begs the question ‘was he having second thoughts?’ or even ‘was he waiting for a better offer?’
3) He looks outwardly disappointed
When it’s a first date with someone you have not met before, perhaps both of you are going to look a little different to your photograph – a photo is just a snapshot of how you looked for one split second in time afterall. So please guys (or gals) , no outward show of disappointment or dissatisfaction, that is downright rude.
4) He stares at other females or the waitress
From feedback this can be common place and is NOT what is expected or acceptable at all. Maybe it’s just nerves but ogling other females or chatting up the waitress is definitely out of bounds.
5) He moans about the prices
Whatever you think about the prices inwardly – keep it to yourself. Ladies hate a cheapskate and someone that is mean with money. Even if you are, you need to hide it on a first date and be as generous and gregarious as you can be.
6) He doesn’t pay or doesn’t want to pay
They say that the age of chivalry is dead and in this age of equality maybe paying the whole bill is a step too far, as most ladies will at least offer a contribution towards the cost. Our view though is that if the man likes his date and wants to see her again, then picking up the tab or at least offering to is what a gentleman could and should do.
7) He shows up with a friend
His nerves have got the better of him and he shows up with a friend without warning – that’s simply not acceptable. If you’re feeling nervy then arrange to go out with friends in a foursome or organise a group activity. But never show up with someone in tow without asking first.
8) He talks at her
Conversation is most definitely the key to a successful date, so please talk to her not at her. Ask her about herself as well, her job, her likes and dislikes, her favourite holiday destination, her hobbies and interests. God gave one mouth but two ears – so use them in those proportions.
9) He texts constantly or plays with his mobile
No, no, no – that is not within the etiquette, Switch it off and keep it in your pocket.
10) He tries for physical intimacy too fast
Forget all thoughts of nookie on a first date guys, unless she lets you know that it’s on her mind too (and she will if it is!!). If she ends the date with just a hug or a peck on the cheek, that’s it fella’s and nothings going to change that. Get off home now!!
Match.com Rape Trial and Dating Safely
The Jason Lawrance rape trial was concluded at Derby Crown Court on Thursday of this week with a guilty verdict and Lawrence being jailed for life, with Judge Gregory Dickinson making a recommendation that Lawrance must serve a minimum of 12.5 years before he could be considered for parole. With the Judge also expressing his hopes that lessons could be learned from the use of such sites and that dating safely become an effective measure. The court was stunned however into silence at one point when victim number 3 took to the witness stand and recounted that when she rang Match.Com to report to them she had been raped that ‘They did not seem to give a damn”.
The Crime and Police Commissioner of the Police Force that brought Lawrance to trial – Derbyshire Police, Alan Charles called Internet Dating ‘The darkest alley of all” after the trial was concluded. Said Mr Charles: ‘Personal safety advice used to incorporate avoiding walking alone down dark alleys at night but the Internet can be the darkest alley of all’. And where dating safely is of the most importance. Mr Charles continued: ‘The popularity of any website where personal information is required does raise the question of security and more needs to be done to keep people aware of the dangers.’
The Judge also asked ‘Is there any supervision of these sites?’ as it was revealed that Match.Com on 4 occasions was asked to take down Lawrance’s profile by the victims and on each occasion they refused, siting ‘lack of evidence’ according to The Daily Telegraph online. But there IS an alternative and here are the steps we take at Searchmate to ensure that our members date in the safest possible environment.
- We aim our membership only at educated professionals, business owners, entrepreneurs and the active retired.
- Every member is personally interviewed using one of the most comprehensive client questionnaires in the dating industry – we ask the tough questions too!
- All new members are ID checked using photographic evidence and verified.
- Our service is completely confidential and there is no internet profile or photographs.
- You work on a one to one with one of our experienced personal matchmakers, who will guide you throughout your membership.
- Your matches are all vetted and recommended by our personal matchmakers, with feedback taken after every date.
Like to know more? Then phone us at our expense on 0800 644 4160 or complete the contact form on the site. We’d love to talk you through our much safer form of meeting people, how dating safely is important and Julie Lazarus, our Senior Membership Adviser would be happy to do that. Ring us today.