Getting yourself ready to date again

Are you ready to date again?

How many times have we heard this?  It would seem that it is sometimes difficult for a woman to accept that when a marriage ends in divorce what the husband did becomes, to a large extent, irrelevant.  The life they enjoyed together has ended and each partner has to adapt to their new status.  For those who loved being half of a couple finding a new partner can feel like a priority, but how prepared are they and are they ready to date again?   When a client joins our dating agency – Searchmate, they should feel ready to say, “Hey, this is me and this is my life that I would like to share“.  Someone who is not comfortable to say this might not be fully prepared to embark on the dating scene.

For many couples who got together at a very young age the life they come to lead will evolve through one or both of their careers. If one partner chooses to stay at home the other’s career will dictate their standard of living, even where they live. The end of such a relationship can see one partner finding themselves feeling a long way from ‘home’ and out of touch with those whose support they now need.  A former wife or husband of, say, an army officer or chief executive, where work commitments often involved both partners, can feel particularly lost.

So how can you prepare for the next stage in your life and make it exciting?

First, reconnect with your single friends – the ones that may have been neglected whilst you embraced ‘coupledom’ – talking to them can help you identify the areas of your life you could work on. Your wardrobe, for example if you can’t get a slot on the Gok Wan styling show a girlie shopping trip can be great fun – for the men, get a female single friend to overhaul your image – you might have to be dragged into a few shops but if it makes you feel good about the way you look it has to be worth it.

Do you have a neglected hobby?

Art, photography, writing, walking, horse riding? – with more time on your hands you can indulge yourself and rediscover your creative side, or contemplative side with a good book – join a book club – many of them seem to be as much about a glass of wine and a chat as the literary content!  Do you feel comfortable with your physical shape, is your hair ready for a change of style?  Chaps – if you have a beard or moustache, how important is it to you?  You may be surprised at how many women state a strong preference for a potential partner to have no facial hair.

When you come to us we’ll interview you and construct a personal profile – have a think about what you would like to see in that profile – how do you want others to perceive you?  What is most important in your life?  do you have a special interest you would really like to share – do you have a close involvement with family members – looking after grandchildren, for example, can be time-consuming and would need to be understood and accepted by a future partner.  If you don’t have children, is it important to meet someone who also does not have children, or would you welcome the hurly burly of family life?

For those who can’t see beyond the life they had before professional help is at hand. We can put members in touch with a Life Coach who can help them find their feet and build the confidence to get out there and embark on a new life. It is a big step and can be daunting, but with the rest of your life ahead of you finding how to focus on yourself  and what YOU really want out of life is a vital first step.