A new dating trend we see emerging in today’s dating world is that of the ‘Stay-over relationship’, where couples especially when a little later in life, are choosing to sleep over quite regularly, perhaps a night or two in the week or over most weekends. They find it easier to leave a spare toothbrush in the bathroom, perhaps a change of clothes in the wardrobe, but one or both parties want to maintain their separateness and keep their own place for a little private space away from each other.
To many this seems the ideal arrangement – hopefully an exclusive sexual partner, someone to holiday with and to go to events with but not extending further into the mundane aspects of really living together, such as agreeing on home improvements, who mows the lawn or who runs around with the hoover. And if it doesn’t work out, far less messy than untangling your lives from fully living together.
As a woman I can already see the appeal. One of the few bonuses of my divorce was an end to having to press all those pure cotton shirts and no longer cooking steak and kidney when I wanted quiche! Certainly when it does suit both parties meeting up like this can keep the romance humming along very nicely and can’t we all be far more easily on our best behaviour if we know that we can slip off on a regular basis to let it all hang out in our private time? But can it really work for the long term, happy relationship that many of us hope for?
Well, as with most things, it depends on whether it really suits both parties and continues to do so or if one partner is compromising to suit the other, in which case resentment and ill feeling can so easily set in. I wonder though, whether there is, within this ‘ideal’ arrangement, an underlying wish to not fully commit to the other person from one or even both partners in the relationship and if so, then surely that does not bode well for the long term outcome.
Our advice would be to do what works best for you both as a couple and above all, keep open that all important communication so both of you feel comfortable with talking about how you feel and what you would prefer. Make sure you are able to listen to each other and show real consideration to the other’s feelings. And bear in mind that what seems to work for now may need to be re-evaluated as time moves on.
Lots of the relationships we help to create as matchmakers move to a ‘stay-over’ relationship but quite often it is a transitory phase and we see many of our happy couples embracing more of a commitment after realising they prefer to have the company of the other more than they enjoy living alone.
Do let us know your views on this. You are always most welcome to post comments to this or any of our other posts here on our site.