Dating in the spring
At last April has arrived and with it thoughts of dating in the spring! With the clocks going forward and the lighter evenings arriving we are all feeling a little more optimistic. If you are single you may find your thoughts turning to the possibility of finding a soul mate but how do you go about this? Some people may decide to join an online dating site, but this way does not suit everyone. Others may decide that they prefer the approach of a professional dating agency. At we are committed to meeting and getting to know each of our clients personally so that we can significantly increase the chance of you finding that special someone.
Once you have selected the dating agency that you feel most comfortable with and begun the process of finding your soul mate you need to think about how to make a good impression on your first date.
Making a good impression
First of all, it is important that when you arrange a date you arrive on time. Make sure you have each other’s mobile number so that if you are delayed for any reason you can let the other person know what’s happening. Treat others as you would like to be treated yourself. Secondly, do make an effort with your presentation and make sure you are well groomed and smartly dressed. You don’t have to be in your best suit or smartest dress but you do need to be clean and tidy; remember this is your chance to make a good first impression. It will make your date feel pleased that you have made an effort for them.
Things to bear in mind
Do not spend the whole date talking about your ex there really is nothing more off-putting. Be interested in your date, their lives and their job. Ask questions and listen to their replies. However, don’t monopolise the conversation leave them time to ask you questions. Be positive about yourself. In this way you are more likely to come across as a happy, confident individual and therefore more likely to appeal to your date.
What about a venue?
Finally, clients frequently ask where they should go on their first date. There is no right or wrong answer. You and your date should agree somewhere you feel comfortable and relaxed. It doesn’t always have to be a meal at a fancy restaurant which some people may find intimidating. Consider a cup of coffee, a trip to the cinema which will give you a shared experience and something to talk about on your next date or a lovely walk in the countryside (even better if one of you has a dog). And finally at the end of the date do say if you have enjoyed yourself. Don’t keep your date guessing. Make it clear that you had a good time and that you would be happy to see them again.
In the week where the National Crime Agency have announced that Online Dating crimes have more than doubled between 2013 and 2015 and with the Jason Lawrence rape case trial ongoing at Derby Crown Court, where it is alleged that 5 victims he met on Match.com were raped and 2 others sexually assaulted, we analysed the crime statistics that the NCA made available and it is sad to see that using the larger and nationally or even internationally known brands such as Match.com, Plenty of Fish or Badoo, offers no additional protection at all.
Between 2013 and 2015, according to the National Crime Agency, 828 cases of crimes involving online dating were reported, this included 88 cases of rape, 49 sex attacks, 180 violent crimes, 115 cases of harassment and 43 of blackmail, most of which came from the best known branded sites such as Plenty of Fish which led the way in terms of numbers, with 63 cases reported in total, including 8 rapes and 5 sex attacks. Badoo was in second place and was in involved 17 cases, including 2 rapes, with Sugardaddy.com, Fitlads.net, Outoftownaffairs and Flirtfinder all being involved in rape cases too.
Surely there has to be a better way of way of meeting people than this and we asked Julie Lazarus of Searchmate to comment on the current situation and the NCA’s statistics. Said Julie “I find those statistics awful, they are far, far worse than I expected and I really feel saddened for the victims, who’s only mistake has been to try to find happiness by trying to meet a partner. It does however really vindicate the more cautious approach we take at Searchmate, where all members are interviewed, ID checked and vetted before we would ever accept them as a member, making Searchmate one of safest ways to meet new partners across the UK.”
If you would like to receive advice on dating safely and the services offered by Searchmate, then you can get in touch with Julie Lazarus on 0800 644 4160 or by completing the contact form within the site. The consultation is always free and completely without obligation.
Are you ready to date again?
How many times have we heard this? It would seem that it is sometimes difficult for a woman to accept that when a marriage ends in divorce what the husband did becomes, to a large extent, irrelevant. The life they enjoyed together has ended and each partner has to adapt to their new status. For those who loved being half of a couple finding a new partner can feel like a priority, but how prepared are they and are they ready to date again? When a client joins our dating agency – Searchmate, they should feel ready to say, “Hey, this is me and this is my life that I would like to share“. Someone who is not comfortable to say this might not be fully prepared to embark on the dating scene.
For many couples who got together at a very young age the life they come to lead will evolve through one or both of their careers. If one partner chooses to stay at home the other’s career will dictate their standard of living, even where they live. The end of such a relationship can see one partner finding themselves feeling a long way from ‘home’ and out of touch with those whose support they now need. A former wife or husband of, say, an army officer or chief executive, where work commitments often involved both partners, can feel particularly lost.
So how can you prepare for the next stage in your life and make it exciting?
First, reconnect with your single friends – the ones that may have been neglected whilst you embraced ‘coupledom’ – talking to them can help you identify the areas of your life you could work on. Your wardrobe, for example if you can’t get a slot on the Gok Wan styling show a girlie shopping trip can be great fun – for the men, get a female single friend to overhaul your image – you might have to be dragged into a few shops but if it makes you feel good about the way you look it has to be worth it.
Do you have a neglected hobby?
Art, photography, writing, walking, horse riding? – with more time on your hands you can indulge yourself and rediscover your creative side, or contemplative side with a good book – join a book club – many of them seem to be as much about a glass of wine and a chat as the literary content! Do you feel comfortable with your physical shape, is your hair ready for a change of style? Chaps – if you have a beard or moustache, how important is it to you? You may be surprised at how many women state a strong preference for a potential partner to have no facial hair.
When you come to us we’ll interview you and construct a personal profile – have a think about what you would like to see in that profile – how do you want others to perceive you? What is most important in your life? do you have a special interest you would really like to share – do you have a close involvement with family members – looking after grandchildren, for example, can be time-consuming and would need to be understood and accepted by a future partner. If you don’t have children, is it important to meet someone who also does not have children, or would you welcome the hurly burly of family life?
For those who can’t see beyond the life they had before professional help is at hand. We can put members in touch with a Life Coach who can help them find their feet and build the confidence to get out there and embark on a new life. It is a big step and can be daunting, but with the rest of your life ahead of you finding how to focus on yourself and what YOU really want out of life is a vital first step.
