He’s not my type – or might he just be given the chance?

Should we be more open minded when choosing a partner?

We read in the press this week that Prince Harry has ‘a type’ – and the long blonde haired, slightly bohemian, party loving Cressida Bonas is following in the footsteps of Chelsy Davy. Not knowing either of these people, I would suggest that the similarity does not extend far beyond the ‘look’.  Chelsy studied hard, wanted to be taken seriously in her law career, and moved on. Cressida will choose her own path in due course – Harry is young and having fun. He also has a serious career, and with a vast array of beautiful young ladies keen to be with him, maybe he does need to narrow the field.

Quite often, members come to Searchmate with their ‘type’ very clearly defined – we have even been provided with a photo of the previous partner so we can try to match it!  Apart from the general height and build requirements, we are frequently asked for men who have a full head of hair, olive skin, no facial hair, not called a particular name, must look like Colin Firth… and for ladies to have long hair, blonde hair, a certain dress size….

A quick survey in the office here revealed that not one of us would have chosen to meet our husband or partner if we had just seen a photo, but we have all formed meaningful and rewarding relationships. In the past some introduction agencies would never use photographs on their profiles simply because they believed the profile should be read first – so often an instant reaction to a photo means the words are not even properly read, and a great opportunity could be missed.

When we write profiles at Searchmate we include as much information as we can, but there is always a lot more to a person than can be written on a single sheet of paper. Interests that are important to a single person may be just filling the time that they would rather devote to a relationship. Whilst not everyone would take the Wayne Rooney approach to a receding hairline, facial hair does not have to be a permanent fixture.

As we get older and have more time to spend with a partner compatibility of lifestyle surely becomes more important than looks – getting to know a person is the only way to establish whether or not they could be a future partner.

Many people will have a ‘dream’ man or woman in mind, which is all well and good. We’d love to be the ones to find him or her, and will always try to do so. However, if we are working within very tight instructions we might miss “The One” and this is why we encourage all our members to be as open minded as possible. By the time you start your membership we already know a lot about you and your preferences, and we have a good idea of who could appeal. We might send a profile that does not meet all your preferences – but by using our wealth of experience built over many years and the female intuition that our dedicated matchmakers all have, we will have found something in it that we think will strike a chord. We believe that by giving everyone a chance to at least present themselves verbally you will have the best opportunity of finding your partner and our current percentage of Happily Matched Couples confirms this.

Let’s face it – we don’t all have a pool as large as Prince Harry’s to fish in!

Is age ‘just a number’ when it comes to finding the right partner?

When new clients come along to meet us they are so often keen to stress to us how young they are for their age. Whilst it may well say one age on their driving licence they tell us that they act, look and feel 10-15 years younger than this. This is all perfectly fine  – most of our clients could be described in a similar way as they are people who have taken good care of their appearance and their health and they hope to meet someone who has done the same.

Also our perceptions of age are somewhat less clear these days with the likes of Lulu and Helen Mirren for example, who look fantastic for their age – hardly our typical idea of grannies in slippers! And there are many men too who look very good for their age and are fitter and more active than other men who are 20-30 years younger than they are. We may look back to our grandparents’ generation and recall a more sedentary lifestyle, perhaps with increasing health problems, but we are all living longer these days and fitness and recreation keep many of us very young for our years in today’s world.

It is really worth bearing in mind that just because we feel years younger than our true age we do not necessarily need to look for someone to meet as a future partner who is a lot younger than ourselves.  There will certainly be others around our own age who have very similar lifestyles to ours and who are similarly active, interesting, good fun and wonderful to get to know. Yes, some people do appreciate more routine as they grow older and perhaps become less inclined to take risks but for so many others, we find that the complete opposite is true!

We have spoken to a number of clients over the years who have had a relationship previously with someone many years younger than themselves and sometimes a bigger age gap has become an issue when expectations and goals are not the same for both parties. Those clients often want to meet someone this time around, nearer to their own age to lessen the chance of their next relationship ending because of these differences.

Essentially it is worth remembering that we are all individuals and we all mature differently. It’s a key part of our job as experienced matchmakers to find someone for you who we feel you will find attractive and who is at the same stage of life as yourself. Someone who approaches life with the same energy levels and degree of spontaneity as you do and who shares your values may well be an excellent match for you and it will be these factors rather than their actual age that are the most important.

So yes, age is just a number and it’s just one aspect of what might make someone a fabulous match for you. To give yourself the best chance of finding your perfect future partner you need to keep an open mind and look at the whole person, not just at their age or at any other one single factor.