Ten things men do on a date that women hate
They say that men are from Mars and women are from Venus and that is never more apparent than when planning a first date. Most experts would agree that planning how the date is going to be spent and largely sticking to that, is a more sure fire way to achieve a successful outcome than just being spontaneous and trusting to luck. Women in particular prefer to have a plan, but without prompting men may just prefer to ‘go with the flow’. Here we look at ten things that men do on a date that women hate:
1) He refuses to decide or pick anything
This is one of the first mistakes that men make – they don’t take the lead and suggest what that loose plan should be. They won’t suggest a film if going to the cinema, or a restaurant if going out for a meal. And if they have been steered in the right direction and you have sat down to eat, they are usually unsure about giving a lead and deciding if you’re going to go for 0ne, two or three courses.
2) He turns up late
Agreed no one likes to be first, but turning up late is NOT fashionable, it’s casual and unacceptable. It also begs the question ‘was he having second thoughts?’ or even ‘was he waiting for a better offer?’
3) He looks outwardly disappointed
When it’s a first date with someone you have not met before, perhaps both of you are going to look a little different to your photograph – a photo is just a snapshot of how you looked for one split second in time afterall. So please guys (or gals) , no outward show of disappointment or dissatisfaction, that is downright rude.
4) He stares at other females or the waitress
From feedback this can be common place and is NOT what is expected or acceptable at all. Maybe it’s just nerves but ogling other females or chatting up the waitress is definitely out of bounds.
5) He moans about the prices
Whatever you think about the prices inwardly – keep it to yourself. Ladies hate a cheapskate and someone that is mean with money. Even if you are, you need to hide it on a first date and be as generous and gregarious as you can be.
6) He doesn’t pay or doesn’t want to pay
They say that the age of chivalry is dead and in this age of equality maybe paying the whole bill is a step too far, as most ladies will at least offer a contribution towards the cost. Our view though is that if the man likes his date and wants to see her again, then picking up the tab or at least offering to is what a gentleman could and should do.
7) He shows up with a friend
His nerves have got the better of him and he shows up with a friend without warning – that’s simply not acceptable. If you’re feeling nervy then arrange to go out with friends in a foursome or organise a group activity. But never show up with someone in tow without asking first.
8) He talks at her
Conversation is most definitely the key to a successful date, so please talk to her not at her. Ask her about herself as well, her job, her likes and dislikes, her favourite holiday destination, her hobbies and interests. God gave one mouth but two ears – so use them in those proportions.
9) He texts constantly or plays with his mobile
No, no, no – that is not within the etiquette, Switch it off and keep it in your pocket.
10) He tries for physical intimacy too fast
Forget all thoughts of nookie on a first date guys, unless she lets you know that it’s on her mind too (and she will if it is!!). If she ends the date with just a hug or a peck on the cheek, that’s it fella’s and nothings going to change that. Get off home now!!
Match.com Rape Trial and Dating Safely
The Jason Lawrance rape trial was concluded at Derby Crown Court on Thursday of this week with a guilty verdict and Lawrence being jailed for life, with Judge Gregory Dickinson making a recommendation that Lawrance must serve a minimum of 12.5 years before he could be considered for parole. With the Judge also expressing his hopes that lessons could be learned from the use of such sites and that dating safely become an effective measure. The court was stunned however into silence at one point when victim number 3 took to the witness stand and recounted that when she rang Match.Com to report to them she had been raped that ‘They did not seem to give a damn”.
The Crime and Police Commissioner of the Police Force that brought Lawrance to trial – Derbyshire Police, Alan Charles called Internet Dating ‘The darkest alley of all” after the trial was concluded. Said Mr Charles: ‘Personal safety advice used to incorporate avoiding walking alone down dark alleys at night but the Internet can be the darkest alley of all’. And where dating safely is of the most importance. Mr Charles continued: ‘The popularity of any website where personal information is required does raise the question of security and more needs to be done to keep people aware of the dangers.’
The Judge also asked ‘Is there any supervision of these sites?’ as it was revealed that Match.Com on 4 occasions was asked to take down Lawrance’s profile by the victims and on each occasion they refused, siting ‘lack of evidence’ according to The Daily Telegraph online. But there IS an alternative and here are the steps we take at Searchmate to ensure that our members date in the safest possible environment.
- We aim our membership only at educated professionals, business owners, entrepreneurs and the active retired.
- Every member is personally interviewed using one of the most comprehensive client questionnaires in the dating industry – we ask the tough questions too!
- All new members are ID checked using photographic evidence and verified.
- Our service is completely confidential and there is no internet profile or photographs.
- You work on a one to one with one of our experienced personal matchmakers, who will guide you throughout your membership.
- Your matches are all vetted and recommended by our personal matchmakers, with feedback taken after every date.
Like to know more? Then phone us at our expense on 0800 644 4160 or complete the contact form on the site. We’d love to talk you through our much safer form of meeting people, how dating safely is important and Julie Lazarus, our Senior Membership Adviser would be happy to do that. Ring us today.
In the week where the National Crime Agency have announced that Online Dating crimes have more than doubled between 2013 and 2015 and with the Jason Lawrence rape case trial ongoing at Derby Crown Court, where it is alleged that 5 victims he met on Match.com were raped and 2 others sexually assaulted, we analysed the crime statistics that the NCA made available and it is sad to see that using the larger and nationally or even internationally known brands such as Match.com, Plenty of Fish or Badoo, offers no additional protection at all.
Between 2013 and 2015, according to the National Crime Agency, 828 cases of crimes involving online dating were reported, this included 88 cases of rape, 49 sex attacks, 180 violent crimes, 115 cases of harassment and 43 of blackmail, most of which came from the best known branded sites such as Plenty of Fish which led the way in terms of numbers, with 63 cases reported in total, including 8 rapes and 5 sex attacks. Badoo was in second place and was in involved 17 cases, including 2 rapes, with Sugardaddy.com, Fitlads.net, Outoftownaffairs and Flirtfinder all being involved in rape cases too.
Surely there has to be a better way of way of meeting people than this and we asked Julie Lazarus of Searchmate to comment on the current situation and the NCA’s statistics. Said Julie “I find those statistics awful, they are far, far worse than I expected and I really feel saddened for the victims, who’s only mistake has been to try to find happiness by trying to meet a partner. It does however really vindicate the more cautious approach we take at Searchmate, where all members are interviewed, ID checked and vetted before we would ever accept them as a member, making Searchmate one of safest ways to meet new partners across the UK.”
If you would like to receive advice on dating safely and the services offered by Searchmate, then you can get in touch with Julie Lazarus on 0800 644 4160 or by completing the contact form within the site. The consultation is always free and completely without obligation.
Public Dissatisfaction With Online Dating Sites Is Growing
For a long time now we have been told that online dating sites are the perfect alternative to traditional dating. With the advent of the internet came online dating sites and they were often seen as the best way for any singles struggling with traditional dating to meet new people.
People loved to jump on an online dating site feeling hopeful and enthusiastic about their chances of finding love. This is what got everybody excited and it gave many singles a renewed sense of hope.
Generally, people of all ages tend to use online dating sites. However, it tends to be younger people that gravitate towards online dating more than middle aged or mature people.
It is also appealed to people of a particular lifestyle; by that we mean people who live a busy life, are very focused on their careers, so therefore they struggle to make the time for dating.
Once upon a time it was a win-win situation for all concerned. The singles of the world had an exciting new way to meet other singles and the dating companies were able to provide great business.
Things have slowly started to take a turn for the worse though.
How Online Dating Is Not All It Seems To Be
It seems hard to believe that public dissatisfaction with online dating sites is growing when you consider how popular it once was.
Consider this fact. Cupid Plc (which is made up of Cupid.com, Flirt.Com, UniformDating.com, Girlsdateforfree, Maturedating, FriendsoverFifty, FriendsreunitedDating and LoveBeginsAt.com) has recently announced £3m in pre-tax losses, plus the loss of more than half of their paying clients (down from 113,000 to 48,000 over the year). Consider what this means for the company and the current landscape of online dating, because this news is huge.
This fact alone demonstrates that the trend to use paying online dating sites is declining.
Now what has spurred this current change? That is what we need to look at. Cupid is a paying service online but they have recorded some significant losses in revenue.
It is easy to say that perhaps it is the economy or various other factors, and to simply discount these findings but perhaps there is more to it than that.
If we dig a little deeper we’ll see that there is more to this growing public dissatisfaction than what it seems.
Let’s look at it this way, what we do know is that whilst paying online dating sites are struggling to attract new users, the free based online sites are having no difficulty at all.
Then we have the free smartphone apps like Grindr and Tinder. These smartphone apps offer a certain level of convenience that the paying online dating sites simply cannot offer.
Not to mention they have an ease of use that cannot be matched by online dating sites.
There is also a growing trend towards casual sex for many users of smartphone apps and the free online dating sites and this is important to consider. So whilst the free online dating sites and smartphone apps are attracting more users than paid online dating sites, it’s important to note this growing trend for casual sex.
Online Dating Simply Doesn’t Meet The Demand Of Singles Who Want A Real Relationship
Ultimately, what this all means is that online dating is not exactly the best way to meet a real partner for a committed relationship.
Whilst these new smartphone apps and free dating sites are meeting the demand for casual sex, they aren’t meeting the demand for singles that want a real relationship.
Singles who want a real relationship need more than this and the reality is that online dating sites, free or paid, and smartphone apps are not going to help singles find a real partner.
Let’s look at it this way.
It is a fact that many dating sites contain fake profiles and there have been cases of identity fraud, monetary fraud, and many other problems. Not to mention the fact that you can’t always be sure that someone you meet online is always looking for the same thing you are – basically whether or not they are genuine with their intentions.
People who are serious about finding love have certain demands that are not always met by any online dating site, whether it’s paid or free, or any smartphone app.
Think about it this way.
If you are serious about finding love do you want to be wasting your time with people who aren’t serious? Do you want to be interacting with people who don’t want what you want? Do you want your private details to be public information?
Of course not! And that is where a lot of this public dissatisfaction regarding online dating has stemmed from. The online dating sites and smartphone apps simply aren’t meeting the demand of singles that want a relationship. We know that there have been some very public cases of fraud that have occurred from people who have met using online dating sites.
Whilst it’s easy to say that this is just an unfortunate mishap, it would almost be untrue to look at it this way
There is a deeper problem that results in these kinds of unfortunate incidents.
The problem with many of these online dating sites is that there is no requirement to vet a members’ personal information, verified their ID, and basically making sure they are who they say they are.
This is the kind of process that would filter out people who aren’t serious about finding love but online dating sites want to appeal to as wide an audience as possible. And this is where the problem can stem from.
Without a rigorous vetting process you will always get cases of fraud, people claiming to be someone they’re not, and time wasters in general.
Traditional Dating Is Still The Best Way To Meet Singles Looking For Love
Overall, what this all means is that the traditional model of dating is far from over. Many people may have thought that with the beginning of the internet and dating sites that traditional dating would lose its appeal. The opposite has happened though because with all the dissatisfaction people are feeling towards paying online dating sites, there is a renewed sense of hope for traditional dating.
More than ever people are now realising that the future of paying online dating sites is grim.
If you want a safe and sure way of dating then online dating seems like it would be one of the worst options to choose, and this is reflected by the growing public dissatisfaction of online dating sites.
At the end of the day you can’t beat real world dating where you can meet people in the real world. This is the most genuine and authentic way to meet your next partner.
If you want to know the truth ask a Policeman
“If you want to know the time ask a Policeman” is a saying that has been around since Victorian times and in the modern world “If you want to know the truth ask a Policeman”, might well be the very best of advice of advice if you currently are participating in online dating and particularly if you are worried about your security or the fact that possibly you could be dealing with someone who is not genuine – according to a recent article on the City of London Police’s own website.
Sadly this is now one of the fastest growing crimes globally and although crime statistics have shown an improving trend in the UK, online dating fraud is on a massive upward curve currently and unfortunately the UK leads the world in this type of crime with a heart breaking £24.5 million having been lost to crime in the last year in the UK alone and 2,800 people having been victims in 2013 alone. With the biggest victim losing a whopping great £850,000 in trying to find love online.
According to the City of London Police website , statistics show that:
- The average amount lost is £8,750 per person
- 55% of all reported crimes came from 40-59 year olds and 63% from females
- 16% (457) of reported victims parted with £10,000 or more, with 49 people reporting to have lost more than £100,000
- The top five countries where fraudsters purport to be from are England, followed by the United States, Nigeria, Ghana and Russia
I’m sure that most people would agree that these are horrifying statistics and almost all dating scams stem from online dating websites, whereby innocent parties are conned by criminals using fake personal profiles and photographs, luring people in slowly and skillfully until they have built a strong rapport with them. But on occasions without them actually meeting.
Once trust has been established the criminal gangs involved begin to request money under the guise of various false scenarios. These are often a medical problem having occurred for either themselves or a family member that requires substantial funding, them claiming to be military personnel based abroad who require funds for emergency flights home or on occasions early discharge from the forces. They also can use business ventures with exceptional potential that require funding, business ventures that are in trouble.
Then in other instances, as the online relationship develops and deepens, the email exchanges between the two parties become more intimate and daring and the victims might be asked to share intimate pictures of themselves or perform sexual acts in front of a webcam. These images or videos are then used by the criminals to blackmail the victim into handing over money. So fraud then has escalated into blackmail and extortion.
Detective Superintendent Pete O’Doherty, Director of the NFIB, at the City of London Police said:“As more and more people go online in search of new friendships and relationships the last thing they may expect is to be targeted and exploited by calculating criminals. Unfortunately for some this will be their ultimate experience of internet dating.
Is there an alternative? Well yes there is here at Searchmate, where every member is interviewed, ID checked using photographic evidence and vetted, prior to being allowed to join. This ensure that our members are fishing in a much cleaner pool of people than on an online dating site and using the services of our experienced Personal Matchmaking team is another sure fire way of staying out of harms way, with people who we know well and are genuinely searching for a partner, to be part of an exclusive, long term relationship.
Ring us today for more details on 0800 644 4160 or complete our contact form and we will be back to you, usually within 24 working hours.
More information about Dating fraud on the City of London Police website can be accessed by clicking here.
The true cost of fake love – online dating scams
We’d all like to think that it’s those ‘other people’ who get scammed out of their life savings, never us. The sad thing is that the people who lose money in these schemes think that too. No matter how smart we think we are, there’s a point for everyone where rhyme and reason are replaced by foolhardiness. Sadly, for some it costs them dear, as once again we highlight the true cost of fake love – online dating scams.
At the time of this story Suzanne Hardman was 58, a former Office Manager and recently divorced; she wasn’t a stupid woman by any means but she was lonely. Suzanne had been going through a rough time. It wasn’t enough that her marriage had ended after 29 years, but her parents had also recently passed away. Suzanne wanted a fresh start and decided that registering on popular online dating site match.com would be a great way to kick start the next stage in her life. She may have been lonely, but she wasn’t alone as was evident by the messages she soon received from all manner of suitors. One of the men who caught Suzanne’s eye was James Richards. He fitted Suzanne’s wish list perfectly; tall, good-looking, professional and successful. What’s not to like? Suzanne sent him a ‘wink’, match.com’s way of initiating contact.
James and Suzanne were soon conversing like a pair of teenagers. Initially their messages were confined to the site, but soon they progressed to external emails and telephone calls. They were getting on famously and found they had a number of things in common. They were both the only child of parents they had both recently lost. What were the chances! Unbeknown to Suzanne, her need to feel wanted was playing right into James’ hand. Unfortunately James didn’t have any hands because James didn’t actually exist. His profile seemed real enough, but only in the way anyone could join match.com and create a fictitious life story that could lure those looking for love. Yes, his photographs were real, his emails were real (despite the poor spelling and grammar) and the voice at the end of the telephone seemed very real indeed. However, none of them belonged to American-born James Richards from Portsmouth. He was a fabrication created by four UK-based, Nigerian-born scammers but they hadn’t finished with Suzanne just yet.
As their relationship blossomed, Suzanne was falling for James more everyday. His emails were regular and full of the sentiments she was hoping for. By her own admission they were a little gushing, but who doesn’t love a man with a sense of romance, however enthusiastic he appeared to be. Within his expressions of love, James started to plant the seeds of the scam by pulling on their shared pain. James’ parents had died (as had Suzanne’s) but, as James explained in numerous emails, their estate was trapped in bureaucratic limbo in India. He started to share his frustrations with Suzanne about how he was struggling to free up the huge amount of money he was inheriting. With all these problems, how could he possibly free up the time to meet Suzanne. The sooner he could get it resolved, the sooner they could get together.
Once the seed was planted, it start to grow roots. After exhausting all his options, he finally succumbed and asked Suzanne for the £700 he needed to release the funds. Now you wouldn’t give a relative stranger £700 would you? No. Suzanne wouldn’t either, but these scammers were smarter than that. The money needed to go through a solicitor, for Suzanne’s protection. In fact the law firm that James asked her to use was very real, so Suzanne’s suspicions were allayed. While the firm existed, the contact she spoke to every day to continually verify James’ expanding story didn’t work there, but how was she to know that. The first £700 wasn’t the last money that Suzanne sent him. Before long she’d sent James, via his ‘solicitor’, a total £174,000. Once she had sent the last penny she could, the solicitor had some bad news. James had gone missing. It was at this point that the penny dropped.
Suzanne contacted the police but the damage had been done. When her story appeared in her local newspaper, other people who had also been scammed and subject to dating scams in the same way came forward. Eventually the men behind this dating scam were brought to justice but sadly, they aren’t the only ones. Sites like Match.com are happy to take your money, but make no effort to verify the identity of those creating profiles. Suzanne and many people like her pay the price every week for this lack of care. How can so many profiles be faceless? There is another way and that way is www.searchmate.co.uk. We personally interview everyone who joins our service to ensure they are who they say they are.
We guarantee that the people you meet through Searchmate are real, genuine individuals who are, like you, looking for a real and potentially lasting relationship. We care about our clients’ security and ofer a unique personal, private, matchmaking service and that’s the difference that brings people from online dating sites to us, in increasingly large numbers and we are proactive to ensure that none of the dating scams that are common on online dating, darken our doors.
Welcome to the future of dating – Searchmate Introductions, come and join us.
